matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
