I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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