My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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