he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
