Duck Duck Cougar?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
