I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
