Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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