don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He? As in you personified your dick?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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