someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
