Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
