He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hippo gnu deer
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
