Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think I won the penis lottery.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
