is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I enjoy the company of your penis
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
