I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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