I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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