Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What a dumb baby whore.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
