I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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