Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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