I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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