I forgot how hot balto sounded
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
