Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
