Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
