Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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