she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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