i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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