Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
