Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
