do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
