He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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