this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
