I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
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I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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