Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
