i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My ATM looks so different sober.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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