I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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