Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
