Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
