apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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