Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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