I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
her vagine was all disorganized.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize