whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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