9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
