i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
