I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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