he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
