ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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