..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
