my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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