I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
