can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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