Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
