So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
