OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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