sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
