next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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