if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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