she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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