theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
