I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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