shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
