Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
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