i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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