I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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