Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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