Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
