I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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