he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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